Learning One Another's Lingo
Conversation's hidden meanings.
A key part of life involves learning one another’s dictionaries. Often, we’re very basic. When I say, “Thinking, thinking, thinking,” it means that I’m simply thinking about an idea and not that I’m opposed to it or even hesitant. That may seem boring, but it’s accurate.
On the other hand, when Nelson Rockefeller was governor of New York, he was known for his forceful, outgoing, and gregarious personality. He frequently seemed very enthusiastic about even the smallest of projects.
Joseph Persico, who served as an aide to Rockefeller, wrote that the staff learned to decipher the Governor’s code of inflated praise:
“You’re fantastic! – B plus.
“You’re the greatest” – C
“Thanks loads” – start considering new employment.
International cultural differences can pose special problems. They are, of course, better known than personal whims.
“The Anglo-Dutch Translation Guide” has had various versions out on the Internet. It illustrates the differences between the ultra-diplomatic British and the ultra-direct Dutch.
Some of its examples are:
When the British say, “With all due respect,” they mean “I think you are wrong,” but what the Dutch hear is “He is listening to us.”
When the British say, “Oh, by the way,” they mean “The following criticism is the purpose of this discussion,” but what the Dutch hear is “This is not very important.”
When the British say, “Very interesting,” they mean “I don’t like it,” but what the Dutch hear is “He is impressed.”
It can be very difficult to “read” one another. Acquiring that skill requires time and attention.
Political writer Salena Zito provided a vivid description of how two opposite camps interpret Donald Trump’s communication style. She observed that Trump’s critics take him literally but not seriously while his supporters take him seriously but not literally.
Even the simplest communication can be extraordinarily difficult. George Bernard Shaw may have been closest to the truth when he said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
At the same time, however, when you encounter a clear communicator, you know it.
I believe the gold standard was exhibited during the American Civil War when General Ulysses S. Grant sent this order to General George Meade:
“Lee’s army will be your objective point. Wherever Lee goes you will go also.”
Recommended Books:
Riding the Waves of Culture: Understanding Diversity in Global Business by Fons Trompenaars and Charles Hampden-Turner.
The Culture Code: An Ingenious Way to Understand Why People Around the World Live and Buy as They Do by Clotaire Rapaille.
The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of General Business by Erin Meyer.