We like to think that everyone we deal with in the workplace and community will follow common rules of fair play and courtesy.
That’s why it is jarring when we encounter someone who doesn’t.
There are wolves out there. They may not be full-time wolves, but that’s hardly comforting when one crosses your path.
Some of them may be evil while others may be of a more common version seeking power and influence via simple manipulation. They may be bosses, coworkers, top executives and board members.
Their general desire is to exercise control, either through raw power, deception, or manipulation.
Individual Defenses
Holding your ground as an individual improves with practice. One basic guideline is that if the wolf comes with allies, you should call in reinforcements. If they bring a dog, you bring a dog. Don’t fight alone.
Security consultant Gavin de Becker gives one of the best guidelines: “No is a complete sentence.”
Don’t fall into the trap of having to provide explanations. Many wolves are master manipulators who will deftly challenge any explanation.
When faced with an inflexible opponent, wolves and bullies may make threats and become unpleasant, but they will usually move on to an easier target. If they don’t move on, that’s all the more reason to bring in your allies.
Group Defenses
Wolves can be at their most dangerous, oddly enough, when they are trying to influence a group. With groups, the old divide-and-conquer strategy is possible.
Groups have unique vulnerabilities, such as the inherent complacency and lack of accountability that come from being in a group.
There are some strategies that can dramatically improve your prospects of success when a wolf or an entire pack enters your group’s territory.
The pack may include some members of your group, but it is usually clear early on that they are operating with an externally driven agenda.
To begin with, recognize that the other side is probably not going to play by your group’s rules. Wolves like to spring surprises. Regardless of whether they commit to a procedure or rule ahead of time, don’t rely on them keeping any promises.
The Crucial Point
Policies? Bylaws? Tradition? Precedent? The wolves don’t care.
And that brings up a key item: never let them circumvent the rules.
When you encounter surprise or a clear rules violation, address that issue. Do not move on. Do not accept it as a given or a minor modification. Such acceptance immediately gives ground to the other side. Press them on the origins and the reasoning of their strategy. Note how it is not in accordance with the rules and the precedents to which everyone is committed.
At least everyone but them.
They will probably become unpleasant, but unpleasantness is part of their technique. If their intimidation succeeds and you and others abandon the proper procedures, that is the equivalent of unilateral disarmament.
Gain Time to Think
If your side is unprepared for a showdown, then seek postponement of key decisions to another date and thus gain a cooling-off and reflection period. That will give you the time needed for research and to rally opposition to the wolves.
This is especially important because the wolves chose the original timing. They surfaced the surprise to foster confusion. They came in with a clear goal. Your side is still trying to discover what’s happening.
If you are not successful in postponing the issue, you are then facing the question of whether the wolves have sufficient power within your group to prevail. They may be able to succeed if they’ve been lobbying in advance of the meeting. If they sense that they won’t succeed on an immediate vote, however, expect to see an effort to stretch out debate.
A surprise proposal at a group meeting is rarely spontaneous. The wolves have arrived with a willingness to stay as long as it takes to achieve their goal. The innocent non-wolves who were shocked at the interference have already booked other engagements for the day. They are unlikely to hang around if the wolves prolong the discussion. One by one, they will slip out the door.
Once assured of a majority, the wolves will call for a vote. A proposal that would have been defeated at the start of the meeting will be approved at the end. Any amendments that are accepted by the wolves will, in the end, turn out to be meaningless.
They Don’t Want a Fair Fight
One of the keys to countering such tactics is to recognize that wolves don’t follow the established rules. Whereas you want an arrangement where everyone has a uniform standard, the wolves regard evenhandedness as a sucker’s game. They want an arrangement in which their side has a decided advantage.
In short, the wolves of the world don’t want a fair fight. Never assume that they do.
Your willingness to make their tactics an issue for study is a major, and usually unexpected, response. Their original plan is to slant the playing field in their favor and then proceed as if everything is normal. They want the attention to be on their proposal, not on their misconduct or impropriety.
And here’s a real danger related to that strategy: it often works because the average board or team member doesn’t want to argue. They are nice, nonconfrontational people who want to get the business of the day out of the way so they can return to their friends and family. That’s all the more reason to postpone action because if you continue, your normal allies may remain silent or, worse yet, side with the wolves.
Remember that what is obvious to you will not be obvious to others. Wolves don’t wear nametags proclaiming their carnivorous proclivities. They seem like normal, reasonable, people and will use moderate and genial language to promote that impression.
Although I emphasize reliance on rules, remember that rules are only suggestions if they are not enforced. Using “The Three Little Pigs” example, some rules are brick walls while others are made of straw or wood. I’ve seen organizations where violating a regulation was unthinkable and others where regulations should have been written in pencil.
We enter a strange forest when it comes to human behavior.
I recall obtaining a promise of support from a savvy politico prior to a board meeting. He broke his promise and switched to the other side when it came time to vote. My side barely won. When I later asked him why he switched, he gave a memorable response: “I didn’t think you were going to win.”
Your Mindset
Ideally, you will have a good sense of who is in the wolf camp and who isn’t, but there is another person to check out before taking on the wolves: your own mindset.
Napoleon Bonaparte used to talk about “two-o’clock-in-the-morning courage”: the courage that can be quickly mustered under unusual circumstances. I know of people who are tigers when they have had their rest and have done their research but are lambs if caught unrested and unprepared.
I know others who, when ethics and honor are at stake, will exhibit exceptional courage but if caught without a noble cause, they become wishy-washy.
It is helpful to know where your associates fall on that scale, but essential to know where you personally fall. What things do you need – rest, information, an inspiring cause, a ready ally, - to bring out your best in a confrontation?
Become a Lion
Prepare your mindset accordingly and, when dealing with groups where a wolf or two might emerge, always have a fallback plan ready ahead of time.
You may not need to counterattack, but you’ll be ready when the occasion arises. This approach has an additional advantage: wolves don’t expect to encounter lions.
That is crucial because, when all is considered, you and the wolves have something in common: You don’t want a fair fight. You want one where your chances of success are overwhelming.
Being polite is nice, but sometimes you need to roar.